How to Stop Dithering in Divorce

Psychologists have been mulling over the human brain for eons. Only recently they have been studying how people make decisions. They have concluded that some people see life as black-and-white and others see shades of gray.

Yeah, I know…. Duh.  But a recent Wall Street Journal article, Why So Many People Can’t Make Decisions, offers some useful tips to those who are going through a divorce (whether litigation or collaborative law) and those professionals who are assisting them.

Shades of gray people have more trouble in relationships. They can’t seem to make decisions and when they do, they regret them. It’s easy to see that troubled relationships may end in divorce, but the key concept here is the difficulty in making decisions during the divorce negotiations. Having to make decisions on how to divide the family wealth and debt is sure to make anybody stop and think carefully before committing.

Black-and-white thinkers tend to focus on what is important to them. If your spouse is one of these, pay attention to what is important to him or her. Focus on those things to find a way to reach a compromise in your divorce.  Shades-of-gray people are overwhelmed with too many choices. If your spouse is one of these, try to pare down the number of options for dividing property or sharing time with the kids.

You can avoid making the big divorce decisions altogether by choosing the litigation route and tossing the decision to a judge. Or you can maintain control of your divorce by choosing the collaborative law process. In the latter, you get to make quick or slow decisions. You can pare down your choices or expand them. Collaborative law divorce is a process than can be molded to fit black-and-white thinkers and shades-of-gray thinkers, even if they are husband and wife.